How to... Life

How to get over a break up

I’ve had two pretty horrible break ups in my life, and one was definitely one of the hardest things that I’ve gone through. As something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy at the time, it’s horrible, sickening, numbing; all those horrid words that don’t come close to describing the pain in your chest where your poor little heart is.

However, what I have learnt along the way is that there are certain things you need to go through to come out slightly tender but all the more stronger on the other side. It may take time, friends, crying, locking yourself away and becoming a person you never thought strong ol’ you would be (and in my case drinking a lot of peach schnapps) but it’s doable and going through certain stages helps the progress.

Wallow

This is always the first step. Lock yourself away, cry till you feel sick and remember all the good things that you guys had and feel scared that you won’t have a future with them or even that you won’t have them as a best friend anymore. It’s all part of the process and don’t beat yourself up for feeling it. It’s the beginning stage, and can last from weeks to months, but just think of it as a healing process that gets worse before it gets better.

Go through an entire TV series

The beauty of this day and age is that Netflix is at our disposal (and something to take from the break-up if you have their password!) but choose wisely; you definitely want less romance and more surreal otherwise it will just make you feel worse. The entire series of Gossip Girl and Buffy got me through a break up each, and there are so many out there that you can escape with. Some great ones for escapism I recommend are also Suits (New York and hot lawyers) Friends (because when isn’t Friends applicable?) and House (using brain power for mysteries not personal issues).

Don’t beat yourself up when you break and message them

You’re human so when you have their number, you will message or call them be it drunk or sober because they used to be your best friend and now they’re gone. It happens to all of us and you will feel like an idiot afterwards but everyone does it, once, twice, even a few too many times because their voice is something that resonates deep, so is hard to let go of that bit.

And then purge them from your life

You delete his number, you delete him from Facebook, you block him on Twitter. It may seem heavy, but with all the social media out there, you’ll be over analysing his every message, his every photo tag, and making your head worse. When it comes to their number, and a few too many calls and texts, you need to purge it. As I always try and tell myself; no man is attracted to a needy girl and having pride and being in control of your own life is the most attractive thing that you can be. They broke up with you for a reason and you messaging them constantly won’t change their mind, and just make you feel so stupid, adding to the sadness. If you know his number? Just give it time and you will forget it. Promise.

Go and travel

Maybe not the best option but every break up I went through I planned travelling to take my mind off it and give myself a project. It also means you can improve yourself as a person and experience amazing things in the world. Even if you can’t go too far (I ranged from four weeks driving around Europe to three months in Asia) it gives you a new perspective and when there is no internet around, it removes any temptation to check when you physically cant get onto Facebook. And if you can’t afford it, then you need to start your Fuck It fund, a must-read for everyone.

Eventually see people

Your friends are there for a reason. I was lucky enough to have amazing friends who came running with numerous treats and hugs when I needed it, so don’t neglect them and even a drink at the pub, if you’re still sad, will get you back to normal. Without my friends, I can say hand on heart I’d never have got through any of the break ups and even if you act like a shitty friend for a bit in locking yourself away or being crappy company, they’ll understand.

Do that exercise

Get your head fresh again and go for that angry run. A good jog or gym class will always give you that kick of endorphins that won’t stop the heartbreak but will lift your mood that 1% and get you feeling a bit less of a shell.

And slowly you’ll go a few hours without thinking of them, then a day, then a couple, and maybe even a few weeks. Time is the only way to get over someone but the long bit in between is the hardest bit. It’s horrible, it sucks and I wish it never happened to anyone. And whilst it was awful at the time and thinking back chokes me up a bit, I’ve come out stronger and a much wiser person when it comes to relationships. Maybe some would say a bit closed off, but it also shows you what you are capable of getting through. And hey, maybe in the long run you’ll even manage to become friends with them again; I did for one of them and whilst it took a while, I’m happy I did.

And knowing that I came through it, if there’s a next time? I’ll be better prepared.

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